blacK solitude

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way u did
You fell so hard
I've learn the hard way, to never let it get that far.

Because of u
I never stray too far frm the sidewalk.
Because of u
I learn to play on the safe side so I dun get hurt.
Because of u
I find hard to trust, not only me,
but everyone ard me
Because of u
I am afraid.

I lose my way
And it's not too long before u point it out.
I cannot cry
Because I noe that's weakness in ur eyes.
Im forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Everyday of my life
My heart can't possible break
When it wasnt even whole to start with.

Because of u
I never stray too far frm the sidewalk.
Because of u
I learn to play on the safe side so I dun get hurt.
Because of u
I find it hard to trust, not only me, but everyone ard me.
Because of u
I am afraid.

I watch u die
I hear u cry
Every nite in ur slp.
I was so young
U shd have known better than to lean on me.
U never tot of anyone else
U jus saw ur pain.
And now I cry in the middle of the nite
Over the same damn thing.

Because of u
I never stray too far frm the sidewalk
Because of u
I learn to play on the safe side so I dun get hurt
Because of u
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of u
I dunno hw to let anyone else in
Because of u
I ashamed my life because it's empty
Because of u
I am afraid

Because of u

Because of u

~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 1:30 AM

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Sunday, April 02, 2006

ever felt that u're goin round in circles ?
i do.
im trapped inside a circle
i moved from one circle to another circle
it's endless
yes, i keep moving
but im moving inside a circle...
no matter wat
im stil trapped inside a circle
i finally und Sugababes singing - Round, round...

i watch myself
im dancing with my eyes blindfolded
where am i actually ?
wat am i dancing ?
why am i dancing ?
am i dancing wat i want to ?
i dunno.
why am i doing all these?
for wat?
fame ?
popularity ?
go with da flow ?
why ?

I wonder
how much farther wld i go ?
where wld i end up ?
when wld i leave the place ?
when will i start to tink, to plan for my future ?
all these..
i gotta start thinkin and preparing for it

what am i doin actually ?
havn't all these qns crossed ya mind before ?
or mayb it has..
jus tat ppl choose to avoid it ..
cos they're scared to know and face the truth
cos they dunno hw to handle it

yes
i admit
i do avoid
when probs come
i run
i hide
i do watever i can do to avoid it
yet i noe
it doesn't solve the prob at all
perhaps only temporary
but it'll owiz b there

i try to teach myself
i learn frm others
yet
some ppl wld call me indecisive
some ppl wld say im a follower
i've got no thinkin of my own
i only listen to wat others say and i'll do it

it's true
i am
boy
it's so contradictin rite?
i dun even und wat im tryin to say
bet u al wont either
or mayb u all wil
cos u're not me
u don tink lyk hw i tink
u wont see things the way i see

i was asked by fred before:
wld you rather have alot of gd frens
or only a few gd frens ?

then..
wld u mind ur few gd frens having alot of gd frens
or u wld rather they have a few gd frens too ?

my ans:
i wld rather have a few gd frens
close.. gd frens to me
a few wld be more than enuf
plus it's nt really possible to find alot alot of gd frens who are truly.. gd.. ya..

secondly..
i wld rather those gd frens of mine...
to have a few gd frens too...
why u wld ask..
bcos to me...
i feel tat humans are selfish.
they wan full committment
be it frenship
be it relationship
be it kinship
everyone wants to be paid full attention
say for e.g
u put in 100% for tis fren of urs..
u may say tat u dun mind if he/she doesnt give u full 100% of his/her attention on u
but deep dw
if tat fren of urs
only put in 50% somehw u wld feel neglected... ?
u wld feel tat
he/she don treasure u as much as u treasure her?
and soon
u'll slowly turn ur attention to another fren..
who wld b able to put in 100% lyk u do.
as for the other fren,
poor fren..
he/she wld be slowly neglected and forgotten by u..
jus bcos he/she doesnt put in as much as u do..
cos he/she is concentrating on other things..
don worry
tis kinda thinking
it's perfectly normal
some may not agree with me instantly
give it a second tot
and u might think that wat im sayin is actually pretty true...

frens
they really play such an impt role in one's life
yet
why do ppl not treasure frenship ?
why do ppl choose to not make the effort in maintaining the frenship anymore?

frenship
such a simply issue
yet
it can be so confusing, so tiring, so promising yet heartbreaking...

~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 3:38 PM

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