Friday, September 30, 2005
yesterday... we met up.... late at night...
with much hesitations and considerations..
upon reachin the place...
i stood outside... watching... tinkin... of wat to say...
bracing myself ... telling myself to be strong... not to run away tis time round...
i msg him... ask him where he is... told him im inside oredi..
he said he'll come n look for me instead...
but i cldn't wait there any longer...
i walked... i jus kip walking... then ... saw some familiar faces sitting outside coffee bean area..
i quickly walked away.... changed direction... hopin they wldn't see me...
and... i continued walking...
reached mac... decided to mit him there instead...
while waitin for him... i got the urge to take bus back... nt wanting to face him again..
but i didnt.... forced myself to stay...
and he came....
as usual... his hands.. r owiz full of things...
he changed his hair color...
i looked at him... and quickly divert my attention to my hp instead...
we kept quiet... i kip staring at my hp...
then...
he broke the silence.. by askin... whether hav i taken my dinner...
then...
i went straight to da point... asked him wat he wanna talk to me abt...
then.. he asked abt my decison... regarding... e qns he'd asked previously...
i jus said... i give up...
he remained silent...
then i told him... im nt da kinda gal.. he tot i am... i cant commit in a relationship.. at all...
when im bored with a guy... i'll jus leave.. dump him.. if tat's wat u call... then i'll go find myself another one..
yes ... im da kinda gal... i get bored easily...
he simply don believe my words...
he said... he don mind i don commit... he said... committment are only for marriage...
wtf.... he DON GET IT !
i said.. u dun get wat i mean... so u're sayin... i can don commit yeah?
so i can go out with other guys... when im with u ? is tat it ? no commitments right ?
he was shocked...
he said... of cos not.. he don mean lydat... he can giv me all da freedom i want...
he wont want me to report to him... abt things i've done... or are doing... he'll give me ... everything...
so long as i giv him another chance... to let him prove it...
i kept silent... tinking... why... why must he be so gd to me ?
i continued... telling him my theory.. on relationship... to me... every relationship r jus lyk vase... once it's broken...
even if it's been mended back with da strongest glue on earth.. there bound to be scars ard.. and soon...
the vase wld b in pieces again...
i see no pt in puttin back e vase together.. which is why.. i chose... to buy a new vase...
he argued back... sayin wat if.. the new vase is not better than the original one... ?
i jus said.... then i'll jus simply throw away.. and not look for any vases... i can survive w/o one..
i told him again.. tat ... frens r v impt to me.. other than my family... bf... doesnt hav any place in my heart..
even if it has... it'll b in da last place...
again.. he said.. he don mind...
and i told him straight in the eye...
that he doesn't mean anything to me.... i can jus easily forget him... yeah.. the memories are not gonna b forgotten...i admit...
but i can forget him... i can get over him.. find myself a new guy...
i noe.. tat sentence sux.. i cant imagine myself sayin tat.. i've hurt him...
yet... he said..
he jus wanna b there for me... when im sad.. he can console me.. he wanna share my sorrows.. my happiness...
i bit my lips to hold back my tears...
i told him... he'll b able to forget... im jus a passer-by in his life....
but he wont believe wadever i've told him...
he asked... why must i lie to him ?
why am i telling all these lies? just to make him giv up on me... ? most of all.. why must i lie to myself.. tat i dun hav any feelings for him.... ?
i simply said.. i din lie.. tat's me.. im jus lettin u noe the real me.. tat im jus a real bitch...
i told him... he gave in to me.. too much... he treats me way too gd...
and i've warned him b4.. not to treat me so gd...
i told him.. hw i feel abt him... feel lyk we've exchanged positions... im da guy.. he's da gal..
he's owiz so soft on me... i cant stand it...
i dun lyk to be da one.. making all e decisions...
he listened...
then he said...
he jus want ... one more chance.. to change... to prove it.. he'll change.. for me...
damnit... WHY MUST HE BE SO GODDAMN NICE TO ME ? I DUN DESERVE IT AT ALL !!!!
he jus wont giv up....
im tired...
i told him.. we cont again... i asked him to leave.... cos i noe.. im gonna cry... n i dun wan him seeing tat...
before he left..
he said...he'll wait.. wait forever.. he wont jus giv up... cos he stil sees hope in it...
he don wanna regret.. and it's nt lyk.. he din try forgettin me... he jus cldn't do it...
and he left...
i sat in the seat... tears formin.... i blinked away.. don wanna cry in e public...
then... took e things he brought...
then... i walked....
waited at the bus stop ....
and then... i cried....
i din koe... why i was so upset... so affected...
perhaps...
i've been acting strong for too long... i dunno why im nt givin in to him.... dunno why i kip holdin back...
when all he want to do ... is jus to love me.... to care for me...
yet im nt letting him....
perhaps...
im scared... scared of relationships... scared of gettin hurt.... scared... of everything...
or im jus trying to b strong... too strong....
perhaps... im jus as weak... vulernable... as others...
e bus came... i dried my tears... went to e last seat....
and then... the tears continued again...
soon... i reached my place... but i cldn't go up...
i dun feel lyk goin back home....
my mind's a mess.... i dunno wat im tinkin.. wat im feelin... wat im supposed to do...
so i walked... walked ard jurong... walked to where ... i used to hav tuition... jus kip walking...
walked to where zl's block... walked... and walked...
until... my legs r tired... then rested on a bench.... right in e open sky...
where i sat there... thinkin... breathing... lookin up at the stars..
i opened up the box... tat he brought for me...
inside was a photo frame... both of us.... and a card....
dun tink i nid to elaborate on wat's written inside the card...
i tot to myself...
wat was it that... i cldn't let him... let him take care of me...
why wont i jus giv in... evrythin wld b fine...
i simply had no ans to tat...
perhaps...
i wanna prove to myself tat im strong... i dun nid anyone's help...
been tinkin... nv hav i accepted someone's help before...
when im really in deep shit... in total sadness...
i'll jus cry myself to slp... cry alone... walked away...
why izzit so ??
i dunnno....
mayb cos... i dun wan ppl to see ... the other side of me....
i've oredi let ppl see too much... see hw i loses my temper easily....
see hw affected i am when im havin mood swings...
tat's nt wat i want...
perhaps... i cant afford... to b sad....
too many ppl... are oredi lydat.... i shdn't add on to it...
instead... i shd b happy... helping .. cheerin them on....
i jus cldn't fall down now... not now... not forever....
yes... im upset now....
mayb i'll get tis over soon... i dunno....
im starting... to kip things to myself again.... i no longer... share things with my sis... or my mum....
when i cry... i waited for the whole family to b aslp... and then i cry....
when i noe im gonna cry... n everyone is stil awake..
i cry in the bathroom.. while showering......
i dun wanna show any signs of weakness to my family members too....
i noe i sucks at dealin with relationships... don come bombardin me ... with all these...
why is he so persistent...
shd i jus.... agree..... once and for all....
not havin to worry anymore....
jus... fall into his arms... cry... weep lyk a baby....
not wantin to stand up and pretend to b strong... ?
i cldn't find the ans at all...
been tinkin all night.. tryin to divert the sadness by keeping myself busy with e books i've
borrowed..
i only managed to fall aslp... tis morning... 7 am plus...
woke up at 11 plus... cldn't slp well....
i needed a walk again... badly...
~~~*_________ Falling ___________
_____ falling hard to reality ____
______ smashed into my head ____
_____ breaking up the barriers _______
____ that were once built by me _____*~~~
~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 3:28 PM
* * *
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
basically..
nth much for me to blog abt...
aint feelin tat good...
to blog abt happy stuff... plus... not much happy stuff either...
except for the celebration for sammy's bday yesterday....
i cant tink of anything else....
might as well... del this entry... or blog lah...
argh...
tis is da shortest entry ever....
really... nth.... in my mind at all...
emptyiness..
darkness....
coldness...
wadever....
the sun will stil b shinning....
hope tat... i wld b able to see more smiles... laughter...
rather than tears... sorrows....
~~~**____ Existence of Love _____
____ Destroys the Presence of ______
________ Friendship _______ **~~~
~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 5:45 PM
* * *
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Wowww...
wad a day...
today is my first day of work as a promoter leh... was posted to work at Motorola Svc Centre.. the one at Plaza Sing...
yest nite abit nervous... cos im workin alone mah... then read up the given notes again... and read the manual book too... jus in case... LOL...
read until 2plus in da morning leh!~
so tiring... n im supposed to work up at 8am today...
anyway.. managed to woke up at 8am sharp.... jus when the alarm went off... heh heh... then... started preparing.... blah blah blah...
and i've reached PS !!!!! eh... i was supposed to reach at 10.30am.. sharp...
buden i reached at 10.15am hoh !!! i went lookin for da shop... stil closed... nvm...
then went off to change into uniform...
went down at 10.30 sharp.... door stil closed !!! alamak....
then... dunno wat to do... mmm... buden saw some staff inside le... heng one of e staff saw me... asked me follow her to e back door... then i managed to get in... LOL...
well.. it was so awkward... cos.. all e staff... i dunno.. then im workin alone also.. no other motorola promoters... eekz... -_-"
scary...........
somemore... alot of e staff... got ah lian bin.... LOL...
no kidding... look abit fierce neh.... alamak... i even more stress... heng the workin environment got guys ah... ~pheW~
den... work started... all e customers... asked quite normal qns.. then one asked me abt the price...
only den.. i discovered...
i dunno the price !!!
LOL...
cos no one told me... in e end.. i ran up to the Starhub Centre.. and checked with da promoter there....
well... toay quite peaceful... except for my pitiful lunch.. cos i ate alone... bsides tat... jus wanna say smthing...
i feel hoh... nx time.. i wont let my daughter/s.... pierce their nose....
noe why???
cos today i attracted only " in-du" men !!!!!
alamak...
one was with his kid.... initially... then he came back again for his hp... den he started chattin with me.....
chatted abt .... different types of motorola hp at first.. then he asked for my age... name... where i live.... -_-....
and then.... oh ya... he started off by askin abt my nose stud... he said.. it was pierced wrongly.. shd b higher abit more.. then he said.. why i din put the ' dot' on my forehead..
koe why??
cos lydat... he can tackle me..... ----____----"
wad the !!!! den i jus smiled at him sweetly........ alamak...
then.. he said tat.. he's divorced.... -_-"...........
and then.............. he cont chattin w me.... asking whether am i attached... tellin me abt his life.... stuff lydat... omg... LOL...*stun*
in my heart.. i was prayin... prayin tat someone comes and save me... !!!!
luckily.... his queue came quickly... if not ah... i doubt he'll go away....omg...
nvm.... then... the next pair came up.... one of the guy... he asked me where to take queue number... i showed him.. then he looked at me...
he said...
"ahh........ nice..... u....... u "in-du" ??? "
i stun... " wat 'in-du' ?"
then he said... " u 'in-du' ?? "
i jitao.... sian 1/2 !!!!!!! omg.... im so fair !!!! jus bcos of a nose stud.... ?? im an 'in-du' ??? *smack*
then i smiled at him.... " nope sir... im a hua ren... =D "
then .... he smiled... walked away... alamak...
nose stud... so scary sia... uncles goin after me.... wat the.... pls dun tel me.. i really look lyk an 'in-du'....
* in-du pals... no offence k !!!! i din mean any insult... if any of u has been insulted... pls accept my apology... =) *
anyway... after wk rite... i went to see my "so-called boss" hahah... why so-called? cos actually... no one is officially in charge of me lah... mmmmmmm... buden i report to da biggest boss...
guess wat he asked me ????
he gave me his name card...... asked me... interested to work with them... LOL.... so fast leh... i've gotten myself a job... before i grad leh... kekekekeke.....
i'll consider lah.. buden... mmm.. service line ah?? hav to consider...
hee... k lah... i update abt today... ehh.. wait !!!
one last thing... LOL...
after wk wu gui came to find me... lol.... then hoh.. on our way back.. on 174... saw tis guy.. mmm... boy bah... he... saw in front of us... then he drummed his fingers... while listenin to his music...
walau !!! damn coollll~~~ he's.. a young gifted guitarist !!!! damn cool... plus hoh... he looks cute loh.. omg... for once... i actually tink tat.. a guy who's younger than me.. looks CUTE !!! *he got such sexy... kissable lips... smack* LOL...
i took a pic of him.. using da Motorola phone.. hahahah.. buden not clear... cos bus kip jerking.. damn... hahahah... nvm lah..
anyway.. wu gui po hoh... she v er xin... she... she... she... practically throw herself at me... LOL...
tink she too high le.. read too many comics le.. muahahah.. yucks..
im so pure.. she... she.... pollute my mind... kns... she... she... milk...milk... LOL...
continue the ending urself bah... heh heh heh...
time to sign off !!!
hope tat tml... will b an even better day for me !!! and for everyone !!!! wOooo.. =D
ciaozz```
~~*_____ Him ______
____ appearing everywhere ____
_______ Except ________
_______ in my life ________*~~
~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 11:01 PM
* * *
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
yeah~
3 days of the consolidation over.... !!!!
yipEeeeE !!!!!
heeeeez................. v happi...
kekekeke... for da 3 full days... frm 9am - 5pm...
i've been nowhere but in sch... at the clzroom.. 72-03-16
argh.... doin the marketing plan..... so troublesome....
but anyway.... it's over !!!! yeah!!! =D
ms tan (our biz advisor) talk to us for a while... talk abt the orgn chart tat we gave her... can tell frm her face tat she wasn't v satisfied with how the orgn chart was being planned...
tat .... person... owiz look down on us... feel lyk... she tinks tat we cant do ANYTHING !!! kns...
lucky for me.... only 1 more sem to go... wont hav to see her face any more...
pheWww~~
anyway, on sunday... 18/09/05
ard 20 NRA peeps went down to SCGS to support our JiJi's graduation concert... heh heh heh.... then saw jiji danced...
hahaha... jazz really helped her improved alot... though some of her turns... abit bouncy... hahahah.... =X
wei.. me not mockin at u hoh... cos i cannot do perfect turns too !!! i'll hop also.. cos cannot balance....
heez... the concert... concentrated alot on techniques... cos thru out the show... alot of pointing.. kicking.. and turning...were included.... yeah.. alot of jazz thingy....
then... when e show ended... we presented jiji with her b'day cake... hahahah... a super mini pink color mooncake !!! v sweet of us hoh !!! heh heh heh....
then... went for dinner at newton food centre.... saw patrick... karen.. sulin... claire... and.. ermz.. some other dancers... *they look abit fierce* scared....
but anyway... we presented jiji with her real birthday cake !!!! hahahaha... actually we bought the cake when we were meetin at kap.. kekeke...
she was v touched neh!!! hahahah *k lah, she din say.. i assume.. lol*
ehh... then... time to go back home... and... those livin at west area... realise... tat there's no more transport back... -_-"
so... we ended up walking back... yesh... walked.... steady hoh ? got... yen, ling, min, dou, pang and me.... 6 of us... walked along the bukit timah way...
buden .. in e end... though we cld still continue... we took cab back... cos... we've reached the highway oredi... and... they said.. we cant walk on highways.. will b arrested for doin tat de...
and ta-da... end of sunday.... ~~~!!!****
ehh.. yesterday.... 22/09/05
went for my job briefing... wei chiang intro me da job de.. promoting motorola's hp... wa... i reached far east plaza right on the dot man.. and then.. din see anyone there... walked into da shopping centre...
and then i saw jasmine.. sky and andrew... (ling's frens)
ermz... abit paiseh... and shy... cos dun really noe them v well..... then no topic to say.. i jus keep quiet.. v shy...
and then... wei chiang called andrew... and then.. met them outside...
wow... alot of ppl man... mostly gerls... eekz....
all look so............................
"lianz"
and unfrenly....
huh... really demoralized sia.... cos... im workin alone mah... haiz... buden... i din quit... much as i want to... then... followed rebecca.. (wei chiang's gf) up to da shop....
i jus walked alone... v ke lian hoh.... sigh... then reached the shop...
more ppl down theree... ard... 7 gerls bah... yeah.. gerls again... LOL...
buden they look more frenly... one even smiled at me... heez.. then... waited for da boss to talk to each one of us... asked us abt our experiences... where we study etc...
and then... gave us notes.. brochures... on the phone tat we're goin to promote...
and suddenly... Joanna.. one of e in-charges.. shocked me...
She said... alrite... u guys read up on the product k... later there's gonna be role-playing with da boss....
-_-"
wad the.... role playing ?? with the boss.. ang moh boss leh !!! LOL...
scary.... then everyone quickly read up the given notes... lol....
and den... ta-da... role playin begins....
Boss - Ang Moh customers...
Wei Chiang - Ah Beng
hahah... mmm..most of those ppl who kana e role play... did well.. some screwed up a lil here and there...
e lucky thing was.. the boss din call me... phew~~~~
hahaha.. then... today.. was suppoed to go down.. collect the hp set... for me to play ard with.. familiarise with it... and collect my uniform as well...
oh... im gonna b workin at Jurong Point outlet... most prob.... cos i stay west area... initially .. tot of askin them to put me at central areas... buden.. on 2nd tot... tink nearer is better... at least... short travelling time... which means... i dun hav to wake up too early.. heez...
alrite.. wish me all da best in tis job k.... hope tat i'll b able to sell alot of hps.... =D
ta-da.... time for me to go watch la bi xiao xin vcd le !!! kekekeke.....
ciaozzz````
Look.. my JiJi.. holding her pink mooncake.. !! =D
Coolest ppl of da nite.... 
copycats... LoL...
red matches green perfectly !!
Presenting NRA.... top 5 Babes !!
Finale... Y.O Buddy !!
~~~**____ Dreams ____
____ appear so vividly _____
_____Yet too fragile_____
__ that break away in pieces ___
_____when time is up _____**~~~
~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 2:08 AM
* * *
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Suntec Dance is finally over.......
yesterday.... went down to support NRA LUSH....
it's been a long time since i've meet up with them... and they've changed their costumes...
v nice.... demin.... sexy too....
buden abit wasted.... cos their previous costume.... tailored made.... alamak....
mmmm... managed to get into the backstage... then.... saw all of them... busy puttin on make up...
saw james too.. practising his steps.... as usual... he gave me tat kinda idiotic look... hahahah... buden i lurvee it... =D
den... dou n xiang drag me go buy food wit them.. alamak.. waste my time....
den went back to e backstage again....
looked ard.... seein everyone so busy with their stuff... and.. im sittin there.. with da 2 guys... they eatin... me watchin... -_-"
abit.... useless..... cos im nt helpin out... wastin my time sittin there...
then... walked ard.... helpin LUSH to put on their tatoos.... soon... they're up on stage for their openin....
watched the performance by NUS DanceBlast.... they did their concert item.... *nice*
esp the jazz one.... v sad.....
and den.........
everything came back....
sigh..... tried hard to ctrl myself..... din wanna look at it anymore... buden i force myself too... cos i koe... i nid to get over it....
i bit my lips.... used my fingernails and pressed hard onto my palm...
to prevent tears frm comin out.......
i must b strong....
and i did....
then.... after the performance by NUS.... i went back... to where all e bags are... sat down...
needed smthing to prevent me frm tinkin .... so started paintin my nails........
din really dare to talk... or look at anyone in e eye... cos i noe... i wont b able to hold it back..... perhaps... goin backstage... wasnt really a good idea....
den... i tried to cheer up.... cos lookin sad... and feelin sad... wont do me any good either....
after helpin LUSH with all their tatoos.... me, sam, yen & joyce... went down.. to the sitting area....
watched the whole of the grp category...
den.... feel so small.... after watchin all e grps perform...
feel lyk.... im realy nth compared to them....
all e grps... i must say... hav smthing in them... hav smthing tat can capture the audience's attention........
and.... they're good......
sigh.....
i....... i stil got a long long way to go... before i cld b lyk them.....
sigh......
and im oredi... almost 19........
sigh......
i hav to buck up..... seein all e great dances....
will hav to work hard... towards my dream.... my goal..... *jia you*
anyway..... LUSH..... u gals did a great job..... tremendous improvement.....
i giv u all.... ***** 5 stars !!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha.....
oh yeah....
i said tat i'll update on my outin with my 2 sisters yeah??
hahaha... well... we went to IndoChine.... on Friday....
so happy n exited... hahaha.. cos v long din see both of them....
den... floydie stil brought along his digi cam... hahahahah... cos he wanna take pics with Britney n Beyonce... heh heh
wel... da music wasn't tat good.... okie only.... and... da place... kinda stuffy.... not alot of cute guys though.....
so.... hahaha.... wasn't all tat great either....
saw alot of NP students.... including my clzmates !!!! da 3 muskeeters..... LOL...... stun me... cos i was walkin my way thru to e dance floor... then someone.... mess up my hair... i look ard...
then saw kenneth.... -_-"
and then saw da other 2 guys.... ha...
oh... and and.. saw my ex-clzmates too....
saw an old fren too.... alan.... if im nt wrong....
oh ya... and den... orh jiao was there also... hahaha.... she... was sweatin lyk hell... eek....
so yucky.... u mus b wondering... hw i manage to see her... in such dark places....
hahahah.... cos i've got .... BRIGHT eyes!!!!! *blinks*
danced with her.... for a while... then gotta rush back find my sisters... cannot leave them alone... cos they're the main purpose why im there... heeez.....
took lotsa pictures oh... heh heh heh.... (tat's another main purpose)
alrite... i gotta fly now........... gettin late... for my JiJi's concert le.......
ciaozzzz``
da 3 lovely sisters..
Me and my stingy sis.... =D
Orh jiao in da house !!!!!
heh heh... disgustin dirnk....
awwww... the flash frm e camera helps to lighten the skin color.... =P
cant take her hands off me.... 
wad a day......
~~`__ The look in your eyes __
___ speaks a million of unspoken words ___
____ The way how your eyes talk ____
____ brings only happiness to me _____
~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 3:24 PM
* * *
Friday, September 16, 2005
HappY 21st BirthDay To JiJi aKa Wang Qin !!!! hahaha... aiyah.... anyway.... yest right after my paper... i met up with sam.... was supposed to go mit thomas tan... But.... he....... wasn't in da office.... in e end.. he asked us to mit him on fri....... -_-" den.... me n sam .... went to da library.... heh heh heh.... den we started talking..... girls' talk... hahaha..... she told me abt tat "biz thing" of hers.... and later... we started talking abt crushes... !!! hahahaha..... *blushes* cos... i.... i...... i told her abt da guy.... heh heh heh.... during my.... O lvls - early poly times.... =DD and..... and.... she told me abt tat president.... heh heh heh.... =O anyway... hahaha... after da chit chattin session.... i met up with Evelyn... !! yeah... !! missed her so much... finally got a chance to mit up with her... hahahaha... both of us... went town area.... shop ard...... and... tat gal ah.... really take my hat off her.... she bought so many things !!!! - 1 pair of jeans - 1 skirt - 4 undergarments - 3 tops - 1 sunglass and as for me............... sweet huh ?? ^_^ we made use of the waitin time to take another pic using my hp !! =D
yeah~~~~
finally my papers are OVER !!!
heez.... can relax relax abit.....
but jus received an email msg frm my clzmate....
reminding us abt the lect on monday.....
-_-"
yesh..... tis coming monday..... alamak.....
im afraid... the days of relaxation..... will soon b gone.....
i gotta go back to sch.... if im not wrong... frm 9am - 5pm.....
every single day.......... !!!!!!
aRgghhh...... wad kinda treatment is this !!! ??
year 3 students nid a rest too !!!! >_<>
- 2 facial masks, strawberry and grape
LOL.......
well, not tat i didnt see anything i lyk... it's jus tat firstly... it's been ages since i step out to town area to shop for clothes.... secondly... there's too many things for me to buy.... thirdly.... i aint got da cash..... Im BROKE !!!!
oh god....` hahahaha..... sian..... no time = no work = no money = no new clothes
haizzzzzzzzzzz....... tat sux......
oh... we went back to our workplace to collect our money....
hahaha.... how pathetic... guess how much my pay was???
come on... make a guess.....
hahaha...... not a large sum of money....
give up??
alright....
only......
48 bucks......
lol..... yesh !!!! 48 bucks... not 480 bucks !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
omg...... and... tat pay... is 4 mths ago one.... i din go and collect my pay..... hahahaha... sux man................
sigh... oh ya....... mmmmmmmmmmmmm..............
i saw him there..... not a v clear view.... but i knew he saw me too....
*mixed feelings again*
aiyah... dun wanna tink abt it now.... no time... hav to enjoy myself... before time is up.... kekeke....
tonight..... im meetin my stingy sis !!!! Jean weee !!!!! and and... my gay gay sis.... Floydddiee !!!!
Wooooo !!! im so happy !!!!!! v long time din go out with them le..... im... totally.... ecstatic !!!!
hahahaha........ will update.... on wad we did again tml.... !!!
meanwhile.... enjoy these pics...... me n eve... took yesterday de..... ^_^
oh by the way... i made all these myself !!! *grinS*
i love tis pic.... ==)
me !!!! isnt tis sweet ? hahahahahah... kiddin lah... =X
~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 3:17 PM
* * *
Thursday, September 08, 2005
guys....
words cant express how thankful i am to have all of your support.... concern..... everything....
i koe... i made all of u worried....
cos i went missing for days....
i don go online....
i don pick up calls...
i don switch on hp...
i don reply any message....
and i don turn up for dance....
simply.... for the past few days.....
i've been nowhere but in my room....
thinking....
recovering....
and studying at da same time....
sounds amazing hw i even manage to study rite?
well, i nid to do smthing... in order to take some things off my mind....
of cos, i have to admit tat...
i wasn't feelin any better when i woke up on sunday....
ppl said, it'll b fine after u had a good rest... the next day... will b a brand.. new... fresh day for u...
well,
it doesn't work for me....
the min once i opened my eyes on sunday...
wat came into my mind immediately....
was....
yesterday... wasn't a dream....
M.G didn't get into suntec finals...
I wont b able to dance...
on suntec finals....
and i broke down again....
for the whole day....
i did nth.... but lied on my bed.....
perhaps.... u guys might not understand...
why am i doin all these....
why am i so affected by a competition....
why.... why... why....
i guess.... bcos......
firstly....
suntec dance.... is the very first big comp tat i've ever joined last year.... tat ann picked me... out of so many very good seniors... to go and compete against all the professional dancers out there.....
i've learnt.... seeen.... and been thru alot.... frm Suntec Dance.... it is an impt dance competiton to me....
secondly....
i've never faced any failures before.... never..... i've joined so many dance competitions before.....
and none..... none of the competitions... hav i not gotten thru the heats before...........
NONE...........
thirdly....
i hav certain expectations...... for myself..... i've seen the dance clip of our grp tat day.... nth much... nt impressive.... (referring to myself) i dunno why am i dancing lydat.... everythin.. tat ann corrected... wasn't there.... i .... i... koe i cld do much better than tat..... all bcos of my damn knee..... my damn knee..... hurts so much tat i couldn't even bend nor straighten on fri night.... and on sat morning, i bend my knee.... and i can feel the joint.... moving up and down....
all bcos of my knee... i feel lyk... i've pulled down the whole grp..... i'm da one who caused all these.....
not to say abt the fact tat i've put Suntec Dance as my very first priority.... and i wanted to show ann tat our grp can be dependent.... we can practise on our own w/o her checkin on us everytime....
so i owiz msg M.G ... remind them to come for training... we're owiz practicing.... but it's too much... until almost the whole crew is down with injuries....
joyce's ankle...
yen's ankle...
ariel's back....
bunny's back...
my knee....
i jus kip pushin them.... kip tellin them tat we nid to train... we can't slack...... but... i din even giv enuff time for everyone to rest... including myself.......
i.... tot....... it's the right way... but im wrong.... i overshot the limit.... they're humans... not robots... humans... nid to rest... to recharge back their energy.... even robots also nid to rest and change batteries... not to mention humans....
bcos of my selfishness.... everyone was jus too tired to perform their best on tat day...
i blamed myself....
i dunno hw to face everyone... dunno hw to stand up again... smile and dance again... treat it lyk an experience... i really dunno how...
which was why... i chose to run... to hide away... in order to forget everything.... or least... some of e things....
perhaps... u all might not realise the importance of the competition to me...
but......
hav u seen the amt of effort i've put in for suntec..?
not only referring to the dance part... everything... frm inside... to outside... frm nra... to my family.... how much effort i've put ?? did u noe ? any idea??
no..... u dunno.....
so... don judge me... if u dunno....
i dun wan ppl to pity me..... or even to despise me... bcos i cannot accept failure.....
i can accept it..... it's jus tat... i dunno hw to accept it...
jus imagine.... ur hope.... ur big hope.... everythin tat u've hope for...
is smashed.... into bits and pieces ......
right under ur own eyes....
how do u feel abt accepting it ???
i noe... i will step out of the dark..... though it is a big failure to me.... i will not b easily defeated...
perhaps i jus nid more.... time.... ??
yes, time again.... time... is jus an excuse... i koe...
but.... put urself in my shoes....
hw cld u recover within a short period ???
sounds contradicting.... but i believe.... i will get over it..... not fast.... but i will.....
anyway....
during the 'missing' period.... wanna thank all those who showered care and concern over me...
thank you....
all the lil acts and msgs were deeply appreciated....
to minz and joyce... thanx for making e effort... in getting the "Pinkiez Bag" thanx....
hope tat by the time... im back at the studio.... there aint any drastic changes....
hope tat ppl ... still remain da same.....
or will they not ??
god noes...
~~__Standing high and tall__
___Yet the one who falls___
___is none other than___
___the one who made the calls___~~
~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 5:28 PM
* * *