blacK solitude

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

had a dream
dreamt that i was in the car
with some nra peeps
and my family members
reached a place
suddenly the door at my side flunked open
then saw tis big big scary cat
super big cat running up to me
i was so terrified
i quickly shut the door
jus in time before the cat gets me
i moved over to the other side of the door
heard alot of voices
sayin " bring the bulldog in ! bring the bulldog in and scare tat cat away !"
then i saw the bulldog jumped up into the seat
jus beside me
i patted the dog
and got off the car
then
saw some nra peeps playin with the cat
the cat was supposed to be chasing ppl
in the dream
it turn out to be ppl chasing the cat
i rem
yen was chasing the cat
sam was behind luffin at 'em
the rest..
all walked over to the coffeeshop
where we initially had wanted to go for our dinner
i was scared
i saw the cat
big cat
i walked alone
over to the coffeeshop
owiz turning ard
lookin out for the cat
then i saw it
the cat
walking towards me
i ran
the cat chased
and i cried
i was so terrified the cat will catch me
will scratch me
the rest of e ppl ?
they were luffing
no one was helping me
when they noe how terrified i am
and they saw me crying
they stood there luffing
telling me that the cat wont hurt me
then
the cat lost interest in me
it stopped
change it's direction to somebody else
i cant rem
i let out my breath
tears stil running down
i walked over to the coffeeshop
slowly, dragging myself there
then i saw them
dou, fred,alex,xiang,wang qin, allegra, ter, ken, ariel, buddy....
all sitting down there
luffing, talking happily
no one seems to notice my presence
no one bother to ask wat happen
i went to my empty seat beside wang qin
sat down
den all of them started saying" come.. let's dig in..im so hungry... "
no one bothered to ask me why
why i teared..
perhaps no one saw my teary eyes
zixiang sitting beside me
asked me
"why you walked here alone ? where are e rest? "
i din ans
i jus stood up
and left
then
i saw min and joyce walking towards the coffeeshop
jus as i wanted to turn and run away frm everyone
they saw me
i freeze
then i started running
they chased
screaming for my name
i was desperate to lose them
i ran into a clinic
full of ppl
tried to hide somewhere
but they found me
then
i cont running
over to some HDB flats
i ran and ran
they din catch up with me
but they nv stop chasing
i ran up the stairs
ran across the streets
across the drains
all the way
till i saw the morning sun
then
it was time for me to return back
with the 2 of them stil hot on tracks
suddenly
i was woken up
by the sound of music
i tried to sit up on my bed
but the dream
took away all the energy that i've had
somehow
the dream that i've had
may not be a dream after all

---------------------------------------------

after the dream
i realised that
all e dreams that i've had before
i'll be always running
or
i'll be chasing someone else

i wonder
why am i always running in my dream?
wat does it mean?
am i running away frm reality?
i dunno
who am i running away frm?
who am i chasing after?
wat will happen if i stop running and face watever is there for me?
wat will happen if i don giv chase ?
seriously
all these qns start rushin into my brain
searchin for the ans
but i cant
i cant give
nor can i find the ans to all these qns

" Think 'bout wat others hav tat you don hav . . . "

is that the answer?
i dunno either
wat do i not have?
genuine happiness? love?
beats me...

~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 12:51 PM

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