blacK solitude

Monday, December 26, 2005

Xmas is over... New Year awaits....
spent my xmas over at xin's place.. with NRA peeps...
fun... lotsa fun... tiring though....
thx gal.. for inviting all of us to ur place... =)

been observing all these while... and thinkin thru lotsa things....
NRA....
so many things... happening....
so many internal probs....must it happen?

so many grps... more and more coming up...
im seeein so much saddness ard me... tears....
why?
dunno... no one noes...
or rather... no one cares... or dares to face the prob...

felt tat... more n more ppl... are becoming so artificial....
everyone is jus tryin... putting up a front to please one another...
why are they doin tat?
cos they wan ppl to lyk them...
they wanna b welcomed...
dun wanna b left out...
sad to say...
it is really indeed happening in here....

i cant open up anymore...
im closing in...
don ask why...
think... and reflect...
i don wish to speak no more.... hear no more...

was talking to buDdy on our way back yest...
after the xmas dinner and the movie...
which... seriously.... i only felt tat...
im back to myself... back to normal...
during the movie session...
the dinner?
let's nt talk abt it....

frens.....
hw i owiz believe... that everyone will hav at least 1 true fren...
but... it feels lyk...
i dunno ....

wat defines frens actually ?
i dunno either... guess... no one noes the ans too....
someone who shows care n concern to u ?
someone who is owiz there for u?
someone who gives u support and courage when u need to?
or probably someone who makes u happy.. tries to please u everytime when u're upset?

but...
hw wld u noe... tat tis fren of urs...
wldn't talk behind ur back?
wldn't do stuff w/o considering the fact tat it'll hurt u?
wldn't betray u?
wldn't leave u alone when u desperately needed someone to be there?

isnt it scary?
we're just opening up ourselves to danger...
how wld u noe.... who is the one tat's really sincere... tat's really concerned abt u....
and who's the one tat's just putting up a mask in front of u... ?

frenship....
dun u tink... it's really a v shallow thing....
say for eg...
two childhood frens... can become enemies... within a few hrs...
just bcos of a small... simple matter... a misunderstanding.... or even rumors...
how easy it tat?
for rumors.. or misunderstandings
to break the frenship bond tat has been over a few years?

frenship...
it's really tat vulnerable...
i used to tell my family....
i trust my frens... i believe in them.. i loved them... i noe who's gd... who's really sincere to me... and i noe who's da bad ones...

right now...
i can tell u all honestly...
that im blinded now...
blinded by the evil stuff tat ppl do...
tat "frens" do....
no longer can i tell...
who really are my frens...
or rather...
my only truest fren...

~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 4:23 PM

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