blacK solitude

Friday, July 01, 2005

tis is bad...

i missed tutorial again...

din hear my alarm went off...

and guess wat...

once i missed a lesson....

i don feel lyk goin for the rest of the lessons....

damn..........

now ... my classmates kip calling me..... i dunno how to face them...

duno wat to say to them...

im sorry man...

sigh.....

i do so wanna do well for my exams... do well for everything...

but.. i dunno why am i not motivated to study hard for my final year...

izzit bcos of the specialization tat im in ?

izzit bcos that i felt i don fit in e class ?

izzit bcos i cant find someone to click with?

izzit bcos im under too much stress frm my classmates ?

or izzit jus bcos im facing with too much problems of my own..

i tink... im jus plain givin myself excuses....

i cant fit into e class... i dunno wat to say to them.. dunno wat to talk to them abt...

all they're talking.. is abt projects... rd show.. projects... and PROJECTS !!

Damn... cant they talk abt smthing else?

i feel so lonely again...

can i only stick with NRA ppl ?

wat has happened to me... ?

i used to be so friendly.... so talkative... so out-going... even with strangers..

im owiz able to initiate a conversation with someone.. and can jolly well kip it going...

why am i not able to do it now !!!!

wat is wrong with me... =(

i tink... probably.. tat is da main reason why i don feel lyk goin to sch...

cos no one cares...

ppl call me up... nt bcos they're concern...

it's purely regarding abt project stuff....

DAMN....

everyone is jus so fake.. putting on a mask...

sigh.....

and right now...

im having probs with him again..

i tot i made it clear to him..

tat.. let's remain as frens for the time being... cos i really hav no time.. and energy for a relationship...

i cant commit...

he said... okie...

but... he has been tryin to ask me out...

i mean, if i don hav time for the relationship...

how on earth do i even hav time to go out with u ??

tink abt it...

for goddness sake...

and then... when i told him.. im nt free e second time when he asked....

he got fed up... and asked me.. if i don mit him.. how am i supposed to know tat he has changed?

the thing is.. it's nt abt he changing...

i dunno how to put tis...

i din ask him to wait... he can go find some other gals to b his gf if he lyks..

i don giv a damn anymore...

im gonna kip clear of relationships...

at least...

not till... i've settled my own stuff....

so guys...

STAY AWAY.......

** im outta love....

cant u see.....

baby... im in a misery... **

~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 10:32 AM

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